A Quiz To Determine If You Are A Committed Parent
Are you a committed parent? Do you place family first? Is your success at home as important as the success you achieve in other areas of your life? Most parents would answer yes to these questions. Probably you would, too. But are you really committed? Do your actions match your beliefs about your level of commitment? Would you like to find out just how committed you really are to your children and the role of parenting? If so, take the quiz below. Read each item and answer yes or no. Use the scale at the end to determine your commitment quotient.
1. _______I am willing to get dirty along with my children. I have made mud pies, jumped in a puddle, rolled down a hill, engaged in a water balloon fight, let my daughter grease her own bike, allowed my young son to put mustard on his own hot dog, or created chalk sidewalk art with my children recently.
2. _______I create a culture of accountability in my family by setting reasonable, related consequences and implementing them with love and gentleness.
3. _______I believe that holding my children accountable for their actions and choices is one of the most loving things I can do as a parent. I consistently follow through on the consequences I set. I do not rescue, give them “one more chance,” or let it slide “this time.”
4. _______I see “mistakes” my children make as opportunities for growth and learning. I do not judge their mistakes as good or bad until I see how they choose to use the mistake.
5. _______I have played a board game, shot baskets, played catch, or read a story other than at bedtime with my children in the past week.
6. _______I have attended a game of soccer, hockey, baseball, volleyball, basketball or a dance or music lesson in which my child has been an active participant in the past two weeks.
7. _______I attended the most recent parent/teacher conferences at my child’s school and/or I talked with the caregiver at his or her childcare facility for thirty minutes or more in the past month.
8. _______I have attended a parenting class or read a parenting book in the past month.
9. _______I believe that fixing problems is more important than fixing blame. To that end, I invest my time in searching for solutions to problems rather than in handing out punishments and determining fault.
10. _______I regularly invite my children to help search for solutions. I help them discover solutions by guiding, directing and exploring possibilities with them. I allow them to test some of their own solutions to see if they work.
11. _______I know that March 20 is International Parenting Commitment Day and I have already created and planned a ritual to help celebrate that occasion.
12. _______ I create a shared control style of family management by regularly accepting input from all family members. I spend as much time listening as I do talking.
13. _______My spiritual faith is visible and I regularly engage in it in front of my children. We have frequent family discussions about our beliefs and values.
14. _______I have set firm and reasonable limits for my children about television, food, video games, bedtimes, and extracurricular activities. I enforce these limits consistently with gentleness and love.
15. _______I strive to make myself dispensable. I allow my children to assume increasing amounts of control over their own lives.
16. _______ When I’m feeling hurt or angry, I communicate with words and refrain from sulking, pouting, and yelling. I tell my children what I’m feeling and own responsibility for those feelings without telling them they made me feel that way. I communicate directly, honestly, and openly.
17. _______I have invested time in helping my children understand a choice or decision they made in the past two weeks. I debriefed it with them, allowing them to come to their own conclusion as to how well they were doing. I regularly help them self-assess so they can develop their inner authority.
18. _______In the past week I have helped my child understand a feeling he or she was having. I gave the feeling a name so he or she could identify that feeling in the future.
19. _______ I model closeness and affection by giving my child regular hugs, smiles, and eye contact. I schedule alone time with each child each week.
20. _______My children hear me say what I am going to do and see me do what I say. My children know what I value and believe, and they consistently see me living according to those beliefs and values. My actions are congruent with my words.
21. _______ I am comfortable in assuming the role of learner on occasion and in allowing my child to take the lead. I learned an important lesson from my child this past week.
22. _______I preserve the traditions of our family. I’ve created and maintain a nostalgia corner in our home where we keep family photos, scrapbooks, schoolwork, family stories, and folklore.
23. _______When I’m stuck and not sure what to do next, my children hear me ask for help. I model help-seeking strategies for them. I have asked one of my children for help in the past week.
24. ______I demonstrate my caring by regularly engaging in activities with my children that they enjoy. I play games with them using their rules in their way on their time schedule.
25.______I admit to mistakes, and my children see me make amends quickly.
EXTRA CREDIT: If you considered each item seriously and answered honestly, give yourself two bonus points.
Scoring Key: Count the number of times you answered yes and compare it to the scale below.
20-18 – SUPER COMMITTED – You are regularly demonstrating and modeling what your children need to see from you as a parent committed to raising responsible, caring, confident children. Give yourself a big pat on the back.
17-14 – COMMITTED – Your children will benefit from your level of commitment while you commit to raising it in the future. Congratulations.
13-10 – SOMETIMES COMMITTED – You have made many worthwhile commitments to your children and still have commitment holes in your parenting style. You have work to do to move up on the commitment index.
9 and below – WISHY-WASHY COMMITMENT – Although you demonstrate some admirable commitments, you have a lot of work to do. Begin today by adding to your repertoire of healthy commitments. Your children are worth it.